‘Watching the Detectives’ is a 1977 single by English singer-songwriter Elvis Costello. Inspired by the Clash and Bernard Herrmann, the song features a reggae beat and cynical lyrics. Costello's fourth single overall, the song was his first hit single on any national chart, peaking at number 15 in the UK and also charting modestly in Canada and Australia. The song featured on Rolling Stone's 500 Greatest Songs of All Time at number 363.
The song, with a lyric about a lover who would rather watch TV, sung over a simple reggae beat, was described by Rolling Stone as "a clever but furious burst of cynicism", and they also described the song as "indisputably classic". Allmusic's Mark Deming described the song: "a skeletal minor-key melody that slowly but effectively wound itself into a solid knot of fierce emotional tension, pushing the bitter lyrical atmosphere further into the darkness".
Costello described how he wrote the song: “I was in my flat in the suburbs of London before I was a professional musician, and I'd been up for thirty-six hours. I was actually listening to another inductee's record, the Clash's first album. When I first put it on, I thought it was just terrible. Then I played it again and I liked it better. By the end, I stayed up all night listening to it on headphones, and I thought it was great. Then I wrote ‘Watching the Detectives’.”
Cash Box said that it has "a subtle reggae beat and a sinister James Bond/Secret Agent guitar." ‘Watching the Detectives’ was the first top 40 hit in the UK Singles Chart for Costello, reaching number 15 and spending a total of eleven weeks in the chart. It also charted in several other countries including Australia, where it reached number 35, and Canada, where it reached number 60. In the United States it reached number 108 on the Hot 100.
Labels – Stiff (UK), Columbia (US)
Songwriter – Elvis Costello
Producer – Nick Lowe
SONG LYRICS
[Verse 1]Nice girls, not one with a defect
Cellophane shrink-wrapped, so correct
Red dogs under illegal legs
She looks so good that he gets down and begs
[Chorus]
She is watching the detectives
Ooh, he's so cute
She is watching the detectives
When they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot
They beat him up until the teardrops start
But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart
[Verse 2]
Long shot at that jumping sign
Invisible shivers running down my spine
Cut to baby taking off her clothes
Close-up of the sign that says, 'We never close'
He snatched at you and you match his cigarette
She pulls the eyes out with a face like a magnet
I don't know how much more of this I can take
She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake
[Chorus]
She is watching the detectives
Ooh, he's so cute
She is watching the detectives
When they shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot
They beat him up until the teardrops start
But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart
[Verse 3]
You think you're alone until you realize you're in it
Now fear is here to stay, love is here for a visit
They call it instant justice when it's past the legal limit
Someone's scratching at the window; I wonder who is it?
The detectives come to check if you belong to the parents
Who are ready to hear the worst
About their daughter's disappearance
Though it nearly took a miracle to get you to stay
It only took my little fingers to blow you away
[Chorus]
Just like watching the detectives
Don't get cute, it's just like watching the detectives
I get so angry when the teardrops start
But he can't be wounded 'cause he's got no heart
Watching the detectives
It's just like watching the detectives
[Outro]
Watching the detectives
Watching the detectives
[repeat until fade]